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I have discovered a good remedy for colds.
Tea and chocolate biscuits. Plus a trashy novel and some lounging in the bed.
Not any particular chocolate biscuits, mind you, but one called Apollo Chocolate Wafer Cream.
It's really a retro relic from days of my childhood which I recently re-discovered at my friendly neighbourhood supermarket. It comes wrapped in this obnoxious red tinfoil and it's yummy!
Haven't spoken to The Significant Other since Saturday (he's been relegated to being a nameless entity because he had the audacity to comment that I look bad in photos). Sometimes, I wonder what would happen when he comes back in October. And on days like today, when I'm sick or annoyed, I would question, in a moment of self-pity and indulgence, his absence. But thankfully, moments like these are rare. Most days, my life is almost as it was before he barged into it unceremoniously. Except that I call him names in my head when he doesn't call.
Anyway, Ashley is back and she has bought me my favourite snack in the world - Pocky Almond Crush! Haven't had that since we transited in Narita Airport on the way home from Hawaii in 2002. Thank you dear and welcome home!
Eagerly awaiting.....
What's Playing on iTunes
You And I Both - Jason Mraz from "Music From the O.C. [UNOFFICIAL SOUNDTRACK]" by Various Artists
America has voted and versatile Fantasia Barrino is the new American Idol.
After the finale the day before, I suppose the conclusion was long foregone. Fantasia did prove herself to be the more spellbinding singer as compared to Diana DeGarmo. Diana, as competent a singer as she is, is of no match to Fantasia. Fantasia's rendition of "Summertime" and the gospel-ly "I Believe" just hypnotized and gave me goosebumps all over, while Diana's "Don't Cry Out Loud" went horrendously off-key.
Of course, there was talk of a conspiracy. Some members of AI3 forums alleged that in order to dump the title into Fantasia's lap, the organisers deliberately changed the key of Diana's "Don't Cry Out Loud" at the last minute and hence, her cringeworthy performance. Well, all I can say is, what's an American Idol final without a conspiracy theory?
Anyway, I think that Fantasia fully deserves the win. Of all the contestants, she is the most interesting and unpredictable singer. I like that she dares to take risks in her choice of songs and the fact that she emotes well in her singing. La Toya London is probably technically superior to her as a singer but La Toya is, as Simon Cowell (the most astute judge, and my favourite) says in an interview, cold. Sorry, but she doesn't seem to reach out to me as Fantasia does.
And as she says, she's worked hard to get to where she is today. Thank goodness the voters proved their credibility by accepting the fact that Fantasia is a young, black, single parent who also happens to be a fabulous singer, and giving her their votes. After the fiasco of Jennifer Hudson and La Toya being voted out in favour of perpetually-flat John Stevens and sweet-but-bland Jasmine Trias, it would have been scandalous if Fantasia did not win. And let's not go into the controversial debate of Jasmine Trias. I am NOT jealous of her beautiful, exotic Asian looks nor the fact that she is a great singer. She has a really nice voice but just not good enough to even be in the top 3. Let's just leave it as that.
A great read of the finale is this article from NYT (registration needed). Yay to Fantasia!
What's Playing on iTunes
Beautiful Disaster from "Thankful" by Kelly Clarkson
The concept of fate has always intrigued me.
Of course, the modern man would argue that fate is not something that is pre-ordained but in our hands. We control the paths that we take, we decide who and what we want to be. On the other hand, there are people in the other camp who say that everything we do, every road we trudge has already been etched in our books of destiny long before we were born.
Fate, to me, is such a simple word and yet such a complex concept to grasp. I'm a product of technology and modern science, should I believe in something so abstract? But I'm a student of the Arts, a romantic, an imaginative idealist - I like to believe that as much as we make our own decisions in life, Fate plays a part too.
Let's take love. Can we decide who we love and leave? Why is it that of the hundreds, thousands of people we meet in the course of our lives, we only spark with a certain few individuals and not the rest?
While looking through movie trailers on iTunes, one particular film stood out.
It's called Before Sunset, starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. The movie is based on a very interesting premise - What if you had a second chance with the one who got away?
This is actually a sequel to 1995's Before Sunrise. In it, Hawke's Jesse and Celine, played by Delpy met on the Eurail train and spent 14 beautiful hours together in Vienna. It ended with them swearing to meet again six months later. Now, nine years have passed since that last meeting. They see each other again at a bookstore in Paris, where he's doing a book reading of the novel he wrote on their night together, and where she lives. They spend the limited time they have before he catches his flight back to New York. Although both are in committed relationships now, they discover that the magical and powerful feelings they had shared nine years ago were still present.
The heavy question of "what if?" hangs over the entire film, similar to 1998's Sliding Doors, starring Gwyneth Paltrow. The idea that it could have ended differently is a very poignant thought. But you are grounded by the fact that this is how the ending goes in reality, there is no fairy tale. Or is there?
I never did watch Before Sunrise. At that age, romantic love was not something that concerned me. But if I have the chance to do so now, I would. And so far, reviews for Before Sunset have been enthusiastic. I'll definitely be catching it when it arrives. In the meantime, here's the trailer.
What's Playing on iTunes
100 Years from "The Battle for Everything" by Five For Fighting
I want to kill somebody.
Preferably the person who supervised my group's Final Year Project (FYP).
If I could, I would leave him to die a lingering and most painful death.
Yes, that is how enraged I feel towards him.
I just got my results today and while they're not fantastic, I am not exactly perturbed since I didn't even finish any of my papers. But what galled me was the discrepancy in the group's grades for FYP. Two of us had lovely Bs and the other two (myself included) had annoying Cs. It was a bit of a shock and I thought I would drop the conscientious supervisor an email for an explanation. Here's his (extremely) brief reply:
The examiners board considered the overall average marks of students.
Your fyp was discussed extensively. The consensus was that it was between high C and low B.
Right.
That was typical of him, not answering what needs to be answered.
So I called.
And the explanation is so ridiculous, nobody would be able to believe it.
According to our dear sup, our project was dithering between a high C and a low B. So to resolve the problem, the Board decided to look beyond our FYP and consider our overall academic record. Since the two lovely ladies with the lovely B did really well in their third and fourth years, they were granted the B grade. On the other hand, the two of us who didn't get such good grades were inconspicuously handed the C grade.
Which is patently UNFAIR.
This is a group project and the project should be looked upon on its own merit and not judged according to other modules. As a group, we should all be getting the same grade, be it B or C. Besides, the implication is that since we don't do well in exams, we probably deserve, and should accept, the C, while the other two had better grades and are B-grade material. That's biased and f***ing nonsense. Anyway, what is the Board there for, if not to resolve grades in a justified manner? This is definitely not justifiable.
Perhaps the exceedingly well-placed supervisor got it wrong. Or maybe his explanation was warped because he have speech communication problems (in which case he should seek the expert help of Dr Joseph Sommerville).
I detest NTU.
What's Playing on iTunes
Are You Happy Now from "Hotel Paper" by Michelle Branch
The weekend just ended.
Have to say that it was not one of the best that I ever had to live through.
A dash of insensitivity, a touch of frustration at a 14-hour time difference, generous shavings of runaway thoughts, some missed calls and voila! A recipe for an unhappy weekend.
But thankfully, all that was redeemed in the 45 minutes that linked Sunday to Monday.
A temporary normality that was installed for one week was restored, albeit temporarily.
Some introspection: there are times when I am genuinely jolly during practices and those are the times when I crack silly jokes and generally enhance the "chorale bimbo" tag that was given unceremoniously to me. And there, there are times when I get loud and irrepressible to mask the unhappiness inside. Nobody wants to see a sulky face, nobody likes to hear about sob stories and so, the clown has to surface to throw a cloak over the simmering sadness that's threatening to spill out.
Rediscovered an old song that I used to love - Aimee Mann's That's Just What You Are. It's a catchy, infectious tune about how a girlfriend decides to leave her boyfriend because they are always quarreling about the same old thing. He gets defensive when she tries to talk to him about changing to be a nicer guy and attempts to get her to change instead. Somehow, it reminds me vaguely of the ex. I suppose it's the same for all relationships, that if you cannot accept the person or if he cannot change the very things that irk the hell out of you, then it's time to hit the road because it's a sign that you are not compatible.
Acting steady always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth, did I offend your ears
By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
Like it would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy
Is it right, then, to expect your partner to change for the better for you? Would that be selfish? Or justifiable on the grounds that this is a relationship and we should both give and take? How do you actually gauge the balance?
What's Playing on iTunes
That's Just What You Are from "I'm With Stupid" by Aimee Mann
Forrest Gump got that wrong.
Born in the wrong end of the century, he never did try roller-blading before.
Because actually, life is like blading.
Just like when you were a kid, you needed someone's strong guiding hand to teach you what's right and what's wrong. I had my most esteemed Sifus - UU, Topo and Yenew - to do that with me today (Thank you!). They taught me how to put on the gear, stand up, move and stop. In short, they taught me what I needed to know in order to move on wheels. They towed me over the humps initially, held me to prevent me from falling and never lingered far from me, watching over me. So touched. *sniffs*
And then, there is the road. Sometimes, the road is smooth and you would find that blading along that stretch of road is easier. There are less twigs in the way, less humps and less curves. But there are also roads that twist and turn, roads that are littered with petals and limbs and roads that have treacherous humps. Then, the roads are never straight. Just as there are up slopes (where I keep rolling backwards), there are also down slopes (where I keep rolling seemingly unendingly forward). Same as life. Life is never always smooth. And in life, there are similar ups, where we hurtle forward with gusto, and downs, where every step seems to weigh us down.
There are times when we get tired. And so, instead of pushing forward, we sit down and take a breather, enjoying the sea breeze, the view and the company. Just like in life, we need to take a step back sometimes to relax a little and watch the flowers grow.
All in all, I had a fantastic day today and it's all thanks to my friends! Can't believe how I pigged out immediately after that but it just felt good. Hee. Now, my left butt cheek is hurting (I don't know why I keep falling on that end) and my arms feel like they are going to drop out of the sockets any moment now. Falling down is not as easy as it seems, huh.
Photos for Blading 101 are up, as is my miscellaneous photo album.
What's Playing on iTunes
Something About You from America Town by Five For Fighting
Yes, I am feeling cranky and grumpy today. And no, it's not PMS.
Alright, I admit that part of the reason is because I thought the bugger was going to call and he didn't. How the hell I am going to survive the next five months, I don't know.
But anyway, it's also cos the weather is so nauseatingly hot and stuffy. And plus, the moment I got out of bed, my mum said to me, "Mop the floor today." Good morning to you too, mummy. And then, I realise that my episodes of The OC did not have audio fidelity - the words were heard like a second after they were spoken. And there's also the small fact that I am unemployed and nothing in the papers vaguely spoke my language. I want to be a lifestyle journalist! And then, my results are out next week and I am resigned to a miserable second-lower (God forbid if it's a *gasp* THIRD CLASS).
Snap out of it!!
Had a great time with Les yesterday. And indeed, I am a pig. I couldn't stop eating the whole day. First up was dessert at Coffee Club at Takashimaya. What a mind-boggling array of desserts they have! It's almost like taking PSLE all over again. Many thanks to Les for the treat! Should have eaten more, haha!
After stuffing my face with brownies and iced chocolate (I must have been out of my mind), we went to shop around before the call of food shepherded us to Sakae Sushi, where I treated him back. Almost died in the restaurant since the air-conditioning was spoilt. Or maybe we are just spoilt brats living in the air-conditioned nation. Hmm.
Man, I didn't realise how much I missed Les' company. It's like back to VJ time again, though we still don't know how we got to know each other. He says that he remembers me in my SCGS unform, which would make it early 1998. Oh well, doesn't matter. What matters is the present and I was happy to have spent the day with him. We must do it again soon!
Shopaholic busted!
Read this article on The Straits Times this morning and it sounded disturbingly like me. Karyn Bosnak spent so much money on shopping that she ended up owing her credit card companies USD20,000. That could be me! I should cut out this article and paste it on my mirror. Anyway, the good news is that she set up her own website, appealing for donations and she managed to pay off her debts with those donations. Lucky girl! She even gets to write a book about her experiences. Fancy that! Hmm....wonder what would happen if I did the same.....
What's Playing on iTunes
You're An Ocean from "The Harsh Light of Day" by Fastball
As selfish as that sounds, it felt really good not to have to go for practice and instead, spend some quality time with the family. I've not seen some of them for so long and it was nice catching up with the rest of them. I'm not really sorry for missing out on practice because no matter what, VC can never be as important as my family is to me.
After that, went off to catch the ultra-lame Van Helsing. Thanks to Joker for being my Ahmad! Anyway, back to the lame movie. It was full of cheap tricks and cheesy lines and it is second only to the dumber Haunted Mansion in the "Waste of my $8.50" category.
Warning: Wala-wala is bad for the voice
I realise that if I have any intention of being a dedicated and hardworking singer, I should not go to Wala's on Friday nights. Because by the time Saturday arrives, my voice will go right to the range of the basses.
Actually I was in two minds about going. The person who was supposed to persuade me to go wasn't very good with his job. But I guess one has to take pity on the old, short, fat and balding and be just a bit nicer. Maybe we can add "unpersuasive" or "unconvincing" to his already impressive portfolio.
Once there, I was initially bored to tears and wanted to leave. The singer at that time slot was getting to me with his angsty singing and I suppose I was missing the Sham a bit. He's always the one entertaining me when I get bored. But I suppose that's the way life is - the one "left behind" will think more of the one who left than the other way round. But anyway, it all got sorted out in a while and as the drinks flowed, tongues loosened and everybody started grooving. And I was glad that I stayed, even though our mad screaming and jiving were sources of amusement and irritation to the other people. Not only that, horrors, a junior from VJ actually saw me and recognised me as someone from VC! There goes my reputation.
We broke three glasses. Waiter came and removed two tables from our vicinity. I kissed Shiyong twice (I think). Hugged many people many times. Got hugged many times too (though not a willing party for all times). Smiled for camera at least a hundred times. Wanted to sleep a couple of times. Got pulled up onto my feet the same number of times I wanted to sleep.
We are only young once, and we are the graduating class of NTU only once in our lifetimes. If it's not the time to let loose and go crazy, when would it be?
Cheers!
What's Playing on iTunes
The Reason from The Reason by Hoobastank
Received an email from an old friend today, someone I have not really spoken to for the longest time. I guess you could say that it was a pleasant surprise and I was very thankful for the initiative. But as of now, I still can't formulate an answer. How do you reply to someone who had, dare I say it, loved you many moons ago but whom you dodged systematically?
Thankfully for me, the email contained nothing but good wishes and fond reminiscences of the past. Of the silly, sweet things I used to do, things that I had forgotten I had ever done. And it did not dredge up the sad events of the past, merely memories that brought a smile to my face and warm feelings.
I remember telling someone eons ago that I didn't know why people would fall for me, that I am just an ordinary girl and nobody special. Throw a stone into the madding crowd at Orchard on a Saturday afternoon and you will hit someone similar to me. I never really thought of myself as different, because I am not. As Sham says, I am mainstream. So it comes as a surprise that after so many years, someone is still thinking of me, though no longer through romantic rose-tinted glasses.
I still don't know what I am going to write in my reply. Somehow words just don't seem to suffice.
Think my body clock is seriously out of whack. I slept at 4am and when my eyes flew open this morning, it was only 10.30am.
What's Playing on iTunes
Somebody from Singles 81>85 by Depeche Mode
The photos taken last Friday at Hideout are up.
Cos someone was lazy and didn't want to do it herself.
*tooch*
Here's a photo of the people who shared the ups and downs of university life with me - Thanks to Dawn and Dotz who were there with me, at both the lowest and highest points of my life. I love you two! *muaks*
What's Playing on iTunes
More Than Words from Extreme II: Pornograffitti by Extreme
It's almost 4am and I am dying to catch some sleep.
But am having Internet connection problems - suspect that SCV is really, really slow at night. Which is odd, cos you would think that at 4am, only ridiculous people like me are still up. Which means that there should be less people sharing the bandwidth. Which means that the speed should be a lot faster than it is now.
Mum just came to nag at me for not sleeping yet. She means well and sometimes, I feel terribly guilty for not doing what she would like me to do. She's a fantastic mother, there are only two things that I recall her stopping me from doing in my 23 years. One is going to a Brownies international camp when I was 12. The other is stopping me from staying in hall during my university years. Well, she never really did forbid me. It was more of her expressing her wish for me not to do either. And I, being the filial daughter, obeyed.
Was a little unhappy today. Have never liked the feeling of being compared against someone else ever since I was a little kid. I remember my uncle and aunt who used to compare me with their son, who is of the same age as I am. They always felt that he was cleverer and better behaved than I was. I detested that immensely, and although it sounds horrifying, it did feel a little good when I outdid him in PSLE, O'levels, A'Levels and now, university. And I guess, so many years down the road, the idea of being held up against someone else and judged is still a sour feeling.
I just realised that I am having problems sending out text messages. Something is either wrong with the network or the phone.
Hmm....love this song....it's on repeat mode..... =)
What's Playing on iTunes
More Than Words from Extreme II: Pornograffitti by Extreme
When people blog, it is obvious that they are blogging for an audience, be it their friends, family or members of the public. But just because we are writing on the public realm of the WWW, it does NOT mean that readers have the right to heap abuse on what we write.
I was shocked to read a whole chain of immensely rude tags on Fur's blog, berating her for her expressed opinion on Jasmine Trias. Not only was the writer rude, he even mounted a personal attack on Fur's looks, calling her fat and shitty.
Look, not everyone holds the same goddamned opinion in the whole world. Fur might hate Jasmine Trias and the rude piece of crap might adore Jasmine to death. Different opinions do emerge all the time. But just because different people see things differently doesn't mean that he has the right to verbally abuse the others who don't share the same views as he does. Not only that, that SOB was too cowardly to leave his blog or email address, prefering to hide under the cloak of anonymity.
If you, yes you the frigging rude ass who posted rude messages on Fur's blog, are reading this, I have one thing to say to you - GET A FRIGGING LIFE. And do go see what Ash thinks of you and Jasmine.
Now, bugger off.
I am a superhuman!
Slept at 6am and actually could drag myself out of my bed at 10.30am. I am truly amazed at my own will power.
Wanted to drop by school to hand up the soft copies of our FYP report to ACRC and also take some photos of the school as remembrance. Also wanted to drop by NTU library to pay my measly fine of $1.80 so that I can graduate from school. In the end, I spent almost one hour formatting the FYP report in the freezer that the school calls the Information Lab.
Although it was pretty cool to go to school when it's quiet, I kind of miss it teeming with people. It's almost the place comes to life when there are people, especially people who are familiar and dear to you. I will definitely miss the place, my friends and the memories. Remember the toilet paper fiasco?
Ended up spending the evening at dear, boring Jurong Point. I still didn't get to take a photo with Jaya, the card board standee security guard. Apparently the whole world thinks that it's an embarrassment to pose with Jaya except me. These people have no sense of humour.
By the time I boarded the train bound for home, I was exhausted. I just plugged myself into my iPod and stoned in my seat. If not for a text message, I would have ended up at Pasir Ris. Thankfully, I managed to extricate myself from my seat at Bugis and went back to Outram. And then, before I knew it, the train attendant at Punggol station was shaking me awake. I tried to act cool about it but he still caught me sneaking into the train that would take me back to Sengkang.
And so, the Sleepyhead has successfully fed herself and is now safely at home. Let's hope tomorrow will be less eventful for her.
Crap, a stupid beetle just buzzed into the room.
What's Playing on iTunes
I Tried to Rock You But You Only Roll from "I Tried to Rock You But You Only Roll" by Leona Naess
As with everybody in this world, I have my own peculiarities. There are some little quirks in me that sometimes I wish I could get rid of but they are so deeply entrenched in me that I can't help but not be able to change.
For instance, I have this annoying habit of probing beneath the surface of things that people say and do. They might not mean something in their actions and words but through my eyes, they hold deeper meanings. And so, things that were never there seemed to be there.
Sometimes, I can't help but read between the lines. Afterall, I am trained to read through the words to extract the meanings behind them in all these years of English Literature. If Hamlet had meant everything that he had said on the surface, then William Shakespeare would not be The Bard. But applying this to reality is not a good thing.
Alright.
I was supposed to blog a happy post, following the horrifying thoughts of Friday. Let's move on. If not, we will always be stuck in that moment and not enjoying the beauty of the present.
Red Rum Night
Am looking through all the online photo albums that my kind friends have sent me. It was a great night and it was a bad night. I can't describe it in words, the emotions are just too mixed. But I had fun although there was a certain realization that I probably would not see most of the people there anymore. And even if I did in future, things would have changed and people would have changed. I would have changed. It's the chapter of my life that I have to close, whether I like it or not.
One of my favourite pendants, which I wore as a bracelet, broke that night. A sign perhaps? =(
There are lots of links to the albums, will probably put them up here once I consolidate them. In the meantime, here are two of my favourite photos, courtesy of Sleazy Shiyong and Sham the Grumbler (who can now add the name of "Sigher" to his title).
What's Playing on iTunes
Let Down from OK Computer by Radiohead
Last night was a nightmare. In ways more than one.
My home is a safety zone to me. I have never felt insecure at home, not in the past 5 years that I have been living here. I have never been wary about my safety.
Until last night.
My sense of safety has been violated and that feeling is really hard to swallow. It's like when things change, you know that they can never be the same again.
Dawn and I got home from the party and were in the lift going up to my place when suddenly the doors opened and a man burst into it. He was odd - he had aviator shades on (it was 5am in the morning) and he was wearing red diamante t-string underwear, which showed up clearly above his low-slung pants.
He said hi to us and pressed the button for the fifth floor, which is directly above mine. We reached our floor and went out of the lift and he smiled and said good night to us. Nothing weird.
Except when we reached my unit at the corner and I was unlocking the door, Dawn turned and spied his reflection on my neighbour's window peeking at us. Once he realised that she had noticed his presence, he abruptly turned and disappeared.
I really don't know what would have happened had Dawn not been with me last night. It's a frightening thought. And just now, when I came home, I looked around me at least three times before opening my gate quickly and rushing into my unit.
I hate what this is doing to me.
What's Playing on iTunes
Drops of Jupiter from Drops of Jupiter by Train