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This is really odd.
I mean to blog about how happy I am that my final year project has finally been put to bed but somehow, I keep stopping halfway and deleting what I had written. It's almost as if no words can really describe the multitude of emotions that are churning in me right now.
This project has been stewing for more than a year. I remember that it was slightly more than a year ago that we decided on undertaking a study on the use of traditional chinese medicine in Singapore. And in this one year, so much has changed.
And now, there isn't FYP to work on anymore. It feels slightly empty, hollow and yet there is such a feeling of great relief. It's also strangely cathartic in a way. And judging by how we four non blondes behaved today, I think I am right to say that the rest of them felt exactly the same way.
Taking pictures of your group mates waving in the computer lab is not normal. Neither is posing with a fire extinguisher sane. Nor is taking photographs of the document being put together step-by-step (from being on the computer monitor, to it being printed, counted, verified, photocopied and bound) behaviour normal people undertake. And let's not forget screaming in the pitch-dark lift from the second storey to the third to the first (SCI is rather cheapie - they switch off all lights in the lifts after five).
And now, after carefully slotting the three bound copies into the mailbox of our supervisor (who had already gone home), I feel a strong desire to shout out at the top of my lungs,
"GOODBYE TO GODDAMNED FYP!!!"
And yet, I miss it.
As D says, now we have no more excuse to fall behind in our readings. And when we are in a foul mood, we can't simply bitch about what a lousy supervisor we have ("fine fine") and how difficult it is to find information about TCM on the Net. To me, it's like the time we were putting together our group pieces for TSD for prelims and A'Levels. After performing for the exams and the public ps, there was a sense of exhilaration and bittersweet loss. No longer will have we have the similar drive to excel. It's time to move on.
And so, goodbye to you, FYP.
Recently, I had two very similar conversations with two girlfriends regarding their relationships. One has been with her boyfriend for almost two years while the other is barely four months into her relationship. What struck a chord in me was that both did not seem satisfied with what they had and yet, for various reasons, are not willing to look beyond the horizons for something that might make them feel more complete.
The first one reminds me of an article from the Washington Times that I had received in an email recently. The article talks of how some people in the world are "maximizers" - people who constantly look for the best in whatever they seek - and "satisficers", who are those who seek the "good enough" options and not the best.
My friend is a satisficer. She loves her boyfriend, but not as much as she feels she should. She wonders if this is the best that she can have and if Mr. Right is actually out there waiting for her. Her current boyfriend adores her and for this reason alone, she is staying with him because, as she says, "having a man who loves you more than you love him is a safe choice". She is tired of having to go out onto the circuit and getting burnt again. Hence, although she fears that she might be shortchanging him in terms of the amount of love that she can offer him, she is staying put.
The second one, on the other hand, feels that she cannot connect with her current boyfriend as well as she did with her previous beau. Her current, she says, can't stimulate her intellectually and their conversations are often stilted and limited. She knows that comparisons are useless, afterall the previous let her down badly, and yet she cannot help but wonder if there are men who are better suited to her out there. In her case, she is sticking to her man because she would rather give it a shot first before condemning this relationship to the rubbish bin.
After hearing all these, it really makes me wonder: Why is the search for love so tedious? Is there really someone in this world for everyone? And does it mean that if we had thought that someone is Mr. Right but it didn't work out, he was actually Mr. Wrong and the real Mr. Right is out there lurking somewhere?
In a way, I can empathise with my girlfriends. After going through all the s*** that the world has to offer you, sometimes all you need is a pair of loving arms to hold and comfort you. Even if that sounds selfish, you are willing to forego the endless search for Mr. Right because, afterall, there is already someone who is there for you in good times and bad. There really is nothing wrong with being "satisficers", unless you cannot reconcile the psychological dissonance and are left constantly questioning "what if?"
Will we ever, then, be contented with what we have? Or will the choices in our lives make us question the value of what we have? Perhaps this columnist, writing in The Straits Times, got it right when he says that happiness is not about the better things that you can get in life but "the most efficacious way to gain happiness today is for people to focus on the present".
Leave the future to unfold in the future and live in the present, is what I have learnt.
As for my girlfriends, should they decide to continue their search for Mr. Right, I will applaud their bravery to leave behind the comfort zone and do what they believe is right. And if they should remain committed to their partners, I support their efforts in keeping their relationships alive.
Well well, apparently the Big Eating Adventure on Friday night is still unfinished so I shall continue it here.
After stuffing my face full on Friday, I went home and slept soundly like a pig from 2am to 2pm. Of course, I ended up being late for sectionals and D that rude woman threatened to demote me to the sourSOPranos section. *shudder*
Anyway, as I was putting on my favourite Levi's 593 jeans to make my way to Siglap, I realised that a miracle had happened. My jeans actually felt tighter! Oh, how brilliant! And when I mentioned it to D, she took a look and agreed with me. Am so going to pig out on Friday nights from now on. Anyone care to join me?
But that's not all. Went for dinner and shared the super-oily kway tiao goreng pattaya with my sala "boyfriend" (haha, loserly Zhan did not know that nasi pattaya and nasi goreng pattaya are the same thing). And after practice, we went off to Plaza Singapura and guess what we did? We ate again! Went to the tiny Lips Bistro and munched on chicken cutlet(s), mushroom soup(s), potato wedges and brownie.
Oh what a lovely way to spend the weekend (better than ironing, haha).
Am totally satisfied.
This is so totally going against the previous entry but what the heck.
I AM SO FULL I WILL EXPLODE.
How do I get fat? Let me count the ways.
I am so going to explode. Hee. It's oh so sinful but hey, I haven't binged on hawker fare for so long! What's a girl going to do when faced with such sumptuous meal? And with such great company?
Right.
Let me just crawl off my chair onto my bed now.
I promised myself I wouldn't blog today, that I wouldn't spend too much time on the Net today, that I would complete my lecture readings, that I would go catch up on the sleep that eluded me last night (dreamt that I couldn't sleep, weird flying monsters getting flung down the slopes).
And what am I doing here now?
Hee.
But well, at least, things are going well and dandy.
My travel plans, which I thought had gone to the depths of hell, are starting to be righted again, thanks to dear friends (you know who you are!).
I am starting to reach out to people whom I have neglected to really know for the past few years. Like Yenew, Topo, Ash, Fur, Dotz, Julia, JJ etc. I am not alone and I need not feel alone because everyone is just a call, a sms, a message away.
I have come to realise that it is okay to be sad once in a while. I am not a superhuman, I have emotions and memories too. And memories and the feeling of hurt do not disappear overnight (though I damn wish they would). As W tells me, I am a better person because of all that has happened, that I am all the stronger for it. And I want to believe him.
Also realise that happiness need not come from being happy with/about myself. Was reading through the blog of Ash's friend, Abby, and suddenly felt the well of joy at her happiness bubbling up my heart. Ash thought I had gone mad but somehow, I was really glad that Abby is contented. And I don't even know that girl. Weird, yeah?
There have been some sparks of attraction towards some members of the opposite sex, feelings that I had thought were long dead or at least destined to be dormant for a very long time to come. I still have the aptitude to fall in love then.
Life may not be fair but now I know that I have the strength and fortitude to weather through all the ups and downs. Plus, there are people who love and believe in me and that's the best blessing anyone can get. I may not be the smartest, the wealthiest, the best-dressed but I am definitely one of the richest, in terms of love and happiness.
This is an obviously uninspired title but hey, it's the contents that matter, right?
Just caught the really sweet Thai movie, My Girl, also known as Fan Chan in its native language. It's about the memories of Jeab, a young man currently living in Bangkok, and his childhood sweetheart, Noi Nah.
Without going too much into details (since some of you have not watched it yet), one reason why I enjoyed the film so much is because of the way the directors reined in the cliches. With nostalgic films like this, it can be easy for the directors to pile on the emotional tricks to elicit reactions from the audience. Here, they managed to keep the show light and poignant without being overly dramatic.
Plus, I felt that the show captured the essence of that era beautifully. The props, the setting, the lighting all contributed to the laidback and easygoing feel of the past.
It also helps that the show's cast was wonderful. The two protagonists, Focus Jeerakul (as the girlish Noi Nah) and Chalee Thirat (as the scrawny Jeab) had such rapport and chemistry with one another, expressing the nuances of childish afffections with such sensitivity. The bully Jack, played by a towering Chelimpan Thikhampontheerawong, was such a hoot.
All in all, I would give this feel good movie 4.5 stars out of 5.
Was reading Avantgo on my way to school this morning when I felt overcome with dread. Some of my subscriptions include The New York Times and BBC News and this morning, at 7.30am, I was reading about the shock that was echoing across Europe following the train bombing in Spain.
It wasn't the kind of news that one should read so early in the morning because you will end up having a sinking feeling in your stomach. Indignation, helplessness, fear....these thoughts and more ran through my mind. Indignation for the loss of innocent lives, civilians who did nothing wrong but happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Helplessness at the thought of terrorism, this sick evil pervading our everyday lives and yet we can do nothing about it. Fear that one day, despite the government's best efforts, this evil will reach us and destroy our lives as it did others.
I can never understand why there are people in this world who take such perverted delight in destruction. Surely, no matter which religion you believe in, the gods will never advocate the taking of innocent lives? Surely lives are deemed precious and no human should have the right to decide who is to live and who is to die (except in cases of crime and punishment)?
And when I read about how Palestinians celebrated the deaths of two Palestinian suicide bombers who died while trying to blow up Israelis, I felt sickened. A celebration of death sounds paradoxical, irrational. These people have lived in unrest for so long that peace is alien to them, that they derive comfort and relief from death.
Sometimes, I feel ashamed of myself. As I am shopping and buying unnecessary pieces of clothing and accessories, there are people out there who live with real threats and fears. And here I am, blatantly indulging myself and giving in to materialism. Perhaps I am too spoilt for my own good.
Life is so short. Tomorrow, I might be lying in a pile of rubble in the midst of a carnage created by racial extremists who decided to bomb the train that I am in. Who knows?
I'm on a roll here so here are more pictures.
Was at Sentosa on Friday evening and had the chance to observe and photograph a lovely sunset, reminiscent of Hawaii.
So am going to pretend that I was at some exotic island in the Caribbean rather than Sentosa.
.....and that's why I love them!
Because we can all do stupid things together.
Below are two cases in point:
Kissing Gurami
Nearly puked out my dinner when I saw this picture. Somehow not surprising, coming from this pair of idiotic best friends.
Indian Dance
That's D and I attempting to look like Indian dancers. We actually look pretty good, don't we?
Am extremely pleased this weekend because two of my favourite people in the world are celebrating their birthdays! Both exceptional members of the pathetic Singaporean Male species (yes, I am disillusioned with the situation around here), they have been wonderful friends and are the shining light of their species. As Michelle Branch sings, "everything is alright" with them around.
So here's wishing them happy 26th and 21st birthdays respectively!
Wayne
Yokie
I received the loveliest surprise today - my JC classmate, Kei, is actually getting married this coming December!
Well, technically, she is already married, having ROM-ed last year. And she is moving into her new place this week. I am so happy for her!
A little background on our friendship: we were classmates during JC and were part of a group of crazy slackers. We used to get so surprised at seeing each other during lessons because those events were rare. Both of us belonged to the breed of students who didn't believe in travelling for something as miserable as lessons. Somehow, when she was in school, I wasn't and vice versa. The likelihood of us turning up for classes together were made even smaller as we only shared one common subject in our second year.
But I always had a great time with Kei. We usually enjoyed doing silly things together. There was this inane conversation that we used to have about going to the loo and it goes like this (positions can be swopped),
Me: I want to go to the T
Kei: Because I want to pee
Me & Kei: So let's go to the T to pee!
Cue guffaws
Totally ridiculous but hey, we were only 17/18.
And now we are 23 and she's married. How time flies! Admittedly, we both lost touch for the past four years since graduating from JC but somehow, it still feels great to talk to her. There was no awkwardness and everything was just so natural.
I am so happy for her and Bernard. They are just so sweet together. She used to tell me that they never fought because they just couldn't be bother to lose their temper and both being easygoing people, were able to give in to each other. And for her birthday once (or some occasion like that), he acually bought her her own microphone (Kei is a singer). They are that sweet.
Am totally looking forward to their wedding in December! Whee!
I am typing this in the comfort of my room. One hitch though - a stupid beetle is buzzing around me and I am living in mortal fear that the stupid insect will head straight for my face. I beat around me desperately, trying to dissuade it from smacking me in the face (these things are hard - I once had one on the back of my shirt and when I laid in my soft and cosy bed, it actually poked me and it hurt).
Anyway, the main point of this is not about annoying beetles but a mini tribute (sort of) to two of my close friends - Dawn and Joker. Now, I've known them since my JC days and we've really come a long way. Dawn is like a best friend to me and Joker is like a brother (but when quizzed, he'll probably say that we're not close but just okay, haha). As their perpetual third wheel (I get asked rudely to haul my ass out of his car but naturally, I don't), I have had the chance to observe this pair of halflings at work.
Theirs is a story that many thought was predictable. Afterall, how many relationships that began in JC actually last? But they proved the cynics wrong and they seemed to grow stronger as a couple over the years.
They are both independent people and not the clingy, obssessive type. They give each other space and yet enjoy each other's company whenever they can. They share laughs together and don't mind doing silly things. They are open with each other and share their opinions, not expecting the other party to change. They accept each other wholeheartedly and willingly. Best of all, they are not the exclusive kind of couple who make you feel like you are invisible (therefore, uncomfortable) whenever you are in their presence (that's why I like to hang out with them).
I know that they are not the perfect couple and frankly, the perfect couple would be a bit boring. But I am really proud of them and I am happy that they have beaten the odds and stayed together for so long (and probably will for the rest of their lives). In fact, I would probably be the happiest person after their parents at their wedding**. Why, I might even cry.
They have shown me that it takes effort on both parties' part to maintain a relationship and I am glad that they have done it. When disgusted with hypocritical Singaporean men (or man), I only have to look at them and believe that all is not lost yet.
I want to thank them both for their loving friendship and for showing me what love really is. I love you guys! *huggs*
**PS Does it mean that I will get an angpow of $8,888 at your wedding??
It is official.
I am part of the three 'prime targets' that the Government is focusing on, in their bid to wrangle more babies out of their citizens. Simply because I am single.
It feels kind of sad that we have to resort to government intervention even in the private realm of procreation. Personal issues ranging from oral sex to having children have become the perogative of the state. In Singapore, it seems, nothing is too personal and nothing is outside of the wide net cast by the government.
It brings to mind what a lecturer said about the various public campaigns led by the ministries, such as the Healthy Living and the Myopia Campaigns. To her, all these so-called public service campaigns were not really targetted at the wellbeing of the individual. Think about it, she said, if the citizens were unhealthy, they would fall ill and not be able to go to work. In monetary terms, this is a wastage to the company. In productivity terms, efficiency is diminished and if this scenerio happens at a large scale, then the economy will suffer eventually. Hence, she mused, everything revolves around the government and the state. Hence,
Healthy individuals = productivity = better economy = richer Singapore.
Going back to the procreation crisis that we are facing here, it comes as no surprise that the number of children married couples have has come to the forefront of debate. Singapore is, afterall, a very small and labour-intensive country. With the current brain drain going on (many Singaporeans have opted to be quitters), the aging of the population and the slow trickle of foreign talents coming in, it is no surprise that the Government is worried.
Is it then our duty as citizens to heed the call and produce more children because our population is diminishing by the day?
One side of me says yes because no matter what, this is a country that has given me the opportunity to be educated and provided me shelter and an efficient public infrastructure. I don't have anything against people who leave Singapore for greener pastures but those who complain about the lack of opportunities and the exhausting fast pace of life are just that - complainers. Anyway, I do feel a sense of loyalty to this little island and I do plan to have children eventually so it works out in a way.
But the resentful side of me feels that the citizens should be entitled to their own little personal space. There are many factors as to why Singaporeans are not having as many children as the Government wishes them to and they are entitled to their own reasons. I am rather put off by the attempts of the Government to push us into the direction that they want us to go, Romancing Singapore being a prime example. I am single and I am enjoying my life as it is, free from the emotional burden that I went through previously. It doesn't mean that I am an anomaly that needs to be put right. Not having a partner (and potential life-mate) does not make me a lesser person. And couples who do not have more than one child, or any children, are not in the wrong. It's simply a lifestyle choice, just like being single is.
So the conclusion is like a Catch-22 situation - Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's a tough world out there when the stork has resigned its position.
Sounds vaguely reminiscient?
If you had caught Lost In Translation, you would no doubt have giggled over the ad that Bill Murray was making in Japan.
And if you had had a good laugh over that scene, check this out for more Japanese ads featuring Western celebrities, who probably wish that nobody would ever see them.
As this is my blog, I shall be obnoxious and self-centered and put up a series of Top Ten List.
Now, the debut of my new series shall be something very close to my heart: Top Ten Men I Adore. These are men who make my heart beat faster, who thrill me with what they say or do, who impress me with their wondrous charm. They are not here simply because of their looks - these men are more than eye candy to me. You are, of course, allowed to gag at my choices but I don't really care. *grins*
Enough of that. The nominees of Yann's Top Ten Men are, in no order of preference:
1. Aragorn
Alright, I lied when I said the list is not in any order of preference. He is my ideal man and has been for the past three years. Asking me why I adore him is like asking me why I love chocolate - I don't know. He's manly, noble, courageous and so much more. The only obstacle I foresee in our union is the fact that he is fictitious.
2. Dominic Monaghan
Dominic who, you may ask. He's a family member of the famous Fellowship of the Ring - AKA Merry. He didn't really impress me much in the show, since my attention was focused on Aragorn (see above). But I was drawn to him outside of Middle Earth by his dressing and his cool and collected demeanor.
3. Jay Chou
Ahhhh....He is but only one of the most talented singer/songwriter in Asia right now. Who can not be charmed by his devil-may-care drawl, poetic music and soulful eyes? The only drawback to him is his habit of errr hanging loose.
4. Johnny Depp
Who can resist Johnny Depp as the irrepressible kohl-lined pirate in Disney's hit, The Pirates of the Caribbean? Here's a man who makes wearing make up look sexy and roguish at the same time. Loved him during Edward Scissorshands but, due to the slight mishap of him falling in love with Winona Ryder, subsequently fell out of my radar.
5. Ryan Sutter
Hands up, all ladies who were not impressed by Ryan during Trista & Ryan's Wedding (I admit it, I actually watch that show). Just as I thought - nobody. You've gotta give it to a man who tries his best to give his bride the wedding of her dreams, although it is completely in pink. He's sweet, romantic (the dude writes poetry and paints, for goodness' sake) and has an 8-pack to boot. My real ideal man.
6. Keanu Reeves
Forget him as the cardboard-emotion Neo in Matrix. Catch him in Something's Gotta Give and you will fall in love with him all over again. As the good 'ol doc, he's gorgeous, romantic, affectionate and charming.
7. Bae Yong Jun
If you ever catch him in the drama Hotelier, you will understand my fascination with this man. Gorgeous, passionate, imperfect - these are traits of a real man. And then watch him in Winter Sonata and your fate is firmly sealed. There really is no getting away from the charms of this man.
8. Takenouchi Yutaka
The original Japanese hunk. Forget girlish Kimura Takuya and the rest of the nonsense, here's a charismatic man. He exudes a sense of brooding mystery and he intrigues me.
9. Clay Aiken
The underdog triumphs! Here's a man who makes me laugh when I listen to Build Me Up Buttercup and touches me when he sings Bridge Over Troubled Water.
10. Dylan Goh
No buts about it, this is my current favourite little man! My darling nephew who's almost two-and-a-half, he makes my list simply because he is who he is. I love the way his little arms go around my neck when I carry him, how he likes to jump onto my lap and hug me unexpectedly, the way he "talks", how he can be so contented and amused by the smallest of things etc. Being around him makes me happy and I thank God that I have him in my life.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King has proven itself to be the ruler of the Oscars, sweeping all 11 of its awards. And quite deservingly, too.
I must have been an idiot to drag myself out of bed at 9am just to catch the awards ceremony but well, my excuse is that this would probably be the last time ever that I can watch it live. Usually, I would be in school and from this year on, I would be joining the rat race so Monday mornings would be spent rushing to work and suffering from Monday blues and not watching the Academy Awards live.
Anyway, my parasocial relationship with the trilogy manifested when I laughed and cheered each time LOTR won an award. And as it is, my sharp eyes caught on quite early on that my King, Aragorn, did not turn up for the ceremony.
I don't think there will be another movie that will ever touch my heart as LOTR did. Hell, I even sat through a 500-minute marathon of all the three shows in one sitting. That has got to count for something.
That said, Liv Tyler looked like a giant next to the four hobitses. A very gorgeous giant, of course, but one who speaks too breathily for my liking. Perhaps it was the nerves.
Quite enjoyed the show, especially when Adrien Broody blatantly sprayed his mouth with some freshener before he announced the winner for the Best Actress award, a not-so-subtle reminder of his forceful kiss on Halle Berry last year. Also Ben Stiller in his Starsky & Hutch costume and Billy Crystal's remarks on the New Zealanders elicited some unglamorously loud guffaws from yours truly.
Well, the dust has settled and I'm off to listen to into The West, the award winning song by Annie Lennox for the soundtrack of LOTR: ROTK.