purple.light

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Do you know me? 

It was with much amusement when I found out that a friend had told another friend that he didn't think I could cope very well when I am stressed. He felt that I can't handle things properly when I am stressed and might seriously be burnt out with the amount of work that I have to do in my capacity as the head of the committee.

While I thank him for his concern for my welfare, I also dismiss it like a fly buzzing around my head.

After 22 years of living in this high-stress society, if I couldn't live with stress, I would have gone mental and booked myself a permanent bed in Club Mad (as a colleague puts it, aptly). Besides, what did he use to judge me on? The fact that I had recently gone through a very trying and emotional period?

Really, I do not know what I could have done in the 3+ years that he has known me to earn this piece of observation/judgement. Firstly, it's not as if we have always been close friends. In fact, I would say that it's only been recently that I really got to know him better. Secondly, he's only known me for 3+ years. He doesn't know what I used to be and what I have gone through in life. Does he know, really, what kind of stress that I have had to live through?

Since he was so candid in his opinion of me and I do know that he wasn't being malicious or mean, perhaps I could then be as equally candid and say what I truly feel about him and also, his assessment of me.

Firstly, he is a real good friend. He is as loyal a friend as you can get in this fickle world. In fact, I would say that loyalty is his greatest virtue and perhaps, his greatest downfall also. He is loyal to his loved ones and sometimes, it blinds him. He does not see what others see. And by being loyal, he can overstep professional boundaries in order to protect the one he loves. His actions, though generous in nature, become misguided. Things that he should not be involved in, he leaves his mark and hence, a sour taste in people's mouths. All in the name of love and loyalty.

Secondly, though his motives in not wanting me to be in the executive committee are sweet enough, I cannot help but feel that it is not sound judgement. His yardsticks are not accurate and it becomes a personal and not professional assessment. To find out how I work under pressure, perhaps he should have spoken to my comm members to find out firsthand from them. How I behave in personal and professional environments are two separate things.

Thirdly, I cannot agree on his (or perhaps, their) method for deciding my fate. As a 22-year-old, I am an adult and should be given the chance to defend myself and debate my own decisions. Doing all that behind my back and without my input is being, to put it negatively, sneaky. I was not given the chance to argue my case, I was simply told not to go. Is that the right way to go about doing it? I do not think so.

I really don't like it when things get political.

yAnn at 9/14/2003 06:14:00 PM